How To Solve A Couple's Differences In Libido?

How To Solve A Couple’s Differences In Libido?

Libido difference in couples

When it comes to sex, small problems usually seem more significant, and differences in libido are among the most aggravated issues suffered by couples. The couple suffering from differences in desire levels finds it hard to share this issue with anyone.

So, how to deal with the desire difference? Below are six different techniques suggested by sexologists that you can try to eradicate all the issues:

1.What do you want? 

To eradicate sexual tension in the relationship, you first need to understand what you want. There are a lot of things that you might unknowingly expect from your partner. For instance, sexual intercourse, intimacy, nonsexual affection, or proof of your partner’s love are some of themDiscussing your needs with your partner can help in improving your relationship. Despite the libido difference, you can make your relationship more exciting and alive.

Solve couple's libido problems

2.Negotiating frequency of sex

Discussing the frequency of sex isn’t always easy; however, it can work if you are willing to compromise. The main challenge isn’t to come up with a rate but to come up with a frequency that you both can live with.   

For instance, according to a survey, the frequency of couples over 50 ranges from daily to never. Different couples might be comfortable with different kinds of sex rates, and your role is to understand the perfect one for you.   

3.Schedule sex dates 

Schedule time in your busy schedule for sexCome up with comfortable dates for both of you. This simple fix can eradicate the tension between you two. How? The person with higher libido would feel assured that he/she would be sexually satisfied, while the individual with lower desire would be contenwith the fact that it will take place only at the scheduled time.  

4.Stick to your “encounter calendar” in good faith

Having a positive attitude towards the sex calendar is very crucial for its success. What does a positive attitude towards scheduled sex mean? It means the partner with higher libido would not keep on complaining about their needs, and the one with lower desire would not postpone or cancel the dates. 

5.Cuddle up 

Within a couple, the partner with low libido can get startled even by the simple affection actions, such as hugging, kissing, or cuddling. They may see these actions as a motive for more intimacy from the partner with the higher libido. By scheduling sex dates, they can be sure that any nonsexual affection does not contain any external cause. This can even make them see the importance of nonsexual friendship in their relationships and help them prepare for the upcoming date. This small effort can make your relationship stronger.  

When couples adjust to scheduled trysts, nonsexual affection returns to the relationship. Interestingly, nonsexual friendships are the key factors to improve the interest of a person in physical intimacy.

As both parties remain aware of the upcoming events, either one can initiate hugging, kissing, or cuddling without the fear of misinterpretation on the scheduled date.

Couples with an issue of libido difference are often seen complaining about the missing nonsexual affection in their relationship. With this process, they can again fill their lives with happiness and that, too, without sacrificing their partner’s consent. 

6.Consider taking it out with a pro

There could be some issues that you can’t solve by simply talking it out with your partner. In such scenarios, you can also seek professional help, like consulting a sex therapist. You can search online for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.  


Using these six tips and techniques, you and your partner can overcome your problems with libido differences and better understand each other. Libido difference is more of a psychological issue than biological, i.e., if a person is not comfortable establishing physical relationships with his/her partner, he/she will avoid intimacy. Therefore, it is necessary to show them understanding, caring, and compromise. If you do, your relationship will only get stronger.


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